Crazy Ever After
by Venillashiz
Summary: She's out the door before he can react, and the sound of the slamming door fills the empty apartment, save for the beating of his palpitating heart. Songfic, oneshot. Chuck/Sarah.


A/N: Right, right, I know. I've been MIA for a while (again!) and I'll probably be MIA for another week or so, cause I'll be on a school trip to UK! (Hello, UK readers! :D) But this is just something to tide any readers of "Passion Play" over, for a while, if I'm not able to update in time. But yeah, I wrote this tonight, and I hope it's good. It's un-betaed, unfortunately, because **theprincess1511 **is also missing, so I'm sorry for any typos/mistakes. Reviews are hugs! :D Angsty piece, by the way. It's short too.

Song: The Rescues - Crazy Ever After.

Disclaimer - I don't own Chuck, or The Rescues.

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_**Today you're gonna leave  
Just like you did the day before.  
Watch by the windowsill  
You disappear into the corner store.**_

_**I could swear that I saw you  
Slip out the back door.  
You left your set of keys  
And left me alone.**_

She's gone from his life again.

Running away, as far as her legs could carry her, as far as the tank of gas in her Porsche lasted, with virtually nothing in the bag pack that had once been sitting idly by their bedside table. He's hurting; betrayed by her actions. But it's not the first time they've fought, and he doesn't blame her for trying to escape their turbulent marriage.

He's no longer in the CIA, and he understands that she craves the adventure. But when she disappears for weeks at a time on missions, _without _him, because Ellie had said so, he's left to stay behind, going through the files left by his father, by himself, and sometimes partaking in one-man missions without her knowledge.

It's the multitude of lies that piss her off, because he doesn't have the guts to tell her about his father's stash of enemies that he has to deal with while she's on missions with Casey. She knows, because Beckman told her, and he hadn't. He doesn't know how much turmoil she goes through, every time she sees him sprouting a bruise on his arm, or a busted lip, because he's confident that his lame excuses would quell all her suspicions.

_**I'm pacing our apartment.  
My head's a broken record, I can't think.  
I keep repeating the very last words that you said to me.**_

_**You didn't tell me you loved me  
Just goodbye  
And there was something kinda final in it.**_

It hurts for him, because she doesn't say much before she storms out their front door. Not even an "_I need some time alone, Chuck. I'll be back later," _escapes her mouth before she slams the door in his face. It's the words she _had _spoken, that tears every last surviving bit of him to pieces.

"Goodbye, Chuck," she says calmly, startling him so, when majority of their argument had been a full-blown screaming match. She's out the door before he can react, and the sound of the slamming door fills the empty apartment, save for the beating of his palpitating heart.

It kills him inside, even more so, when he sees her set of keys, glistening in the light, resting on their coffee table; taunting him. And it clicks within him. _She's not coming back. _As the agonizing tune of tires against gravel rang in his ears, he propels himself onto the porch, yelling her name, over and over, as he takes off after the sports car.

He runs, even after the car disappears round the corner. He runs, even as her name echoes off the empty street, and it's only after someone shouts from their window for him to shut up, where he stops. He hangs his head, wiping at the tears that had left a blazing trail down the contours of his cheeks.

He begins his inevitable descent into hell, because he loves her and he'd do almost anything for her, and he decides that a life without Sarah Walker wasn't even worthy enough to be called a _life_. And even after that, he realizes that nothing in this world could bring her back to him, nothing but her own free will to return to him.

_**Stay.  
Everything is wrong without you.  
Stay.  
My whole world's a wreck  
Oh will you save me now  
Or leave me crazy ever after.**_

So he clutches at his chest, curls up on the couch, and he waits for her, hoping that somewhere out there, she was happy, even though he was far from it. Because he loves her, and he wanted nothing but happiness for her. It stems the pain a little, but it's hardly a painkiller. So he takes the real painkillers, daily, until a visit from his horrified sister puts a stop to that, when she discovers the increasing amount of empty pill bottles in his trash. There's a blockade in that particular route to his demise, and he stubbornly carves another road, fresh through the mud, with bottles of whiskey and beer.

He drinks himself silly, hourly, daily, at Bennigans, finding friends in his old colleagues from the Buy More. They tell him how much Sarah isn't worth it, and he has to fight to control his fists from clenching up, from slamming themselves into their jaws. She's worth it, because he knows, as soon as she comes back, everything would be better. With Sarah, _everything_ was better. She had every power to save him. She just had to come back first.

And when he finally pukes up a lung outside the pub, when he finally starts a fight and the Intersect nearly beats the other man to death, he's arrested and he's thoroughly disgusted at what he's become. He's a wreck, and he knows that Ellie's disappointed with him... again, for the fourth hundredth time in both their lives.

He moves back in with his sister, and he's grateful; so very grateful that she takes care of him. She tucks him into bed, places glass after glass of water by his bedside, and kisses his head just like she used to when they were still kids. When he feels like it, he cries into her arms, and she whispers into his ears, reassuring him that Sarah didn't deserve him, one bit.

Ellie locks her liqueor cabinet for his sake, and gives in to him when he asks to rent all nine seasons of the X-Files for him to kill time, while he recuperates on their couch. He still dreams of _her _and he's afraid to fall asleep, much like years before, where the Intersect had been destroying his brain. But the Governor is still on his wrist and in excellent condition, as far as he can tell.

_**I'm in a weak condition.  
Now you cut into the heart of me.  
You've got my mind racin'.  
Losin' my grip on reality.**_

_**You got me second guessing,  
what's true and what's a lie.  
Why don't you look me in the eye when I say...**_

It's months later – five months after she leaves, to be exact – when the fateful knock on his door finally comes. He's found the strength to set foot back into his – _their – _old apartment, but he still has sleepless nights and no-appetite days where he feasts only on air and water. But he gets by, barely. He's dressed in a robe, but he's had the decency to shave in the morning and thankfully, to put on underwear. His jaw drops at the very sight of her, and he's surprised that he has the same effect on her. Then he notices the tears in her eyes, and the crumpling of her features, and the anger and sadness and misery and whatever the hell he was feeling, evaporates into nothingness.

"Hello," he speaks, voice cracking slightly from nervousness. As soon as the silence breaks like shattering glass, she runs forward, enveloping him tightly in a bear hug. She's warm, he notices. She's here, she's real,_ she's_ _Sarah. _But he detaches himself from her, taking a step backwards. He feels the hurt radiating off her – the rejection, the pain, the _agony, _and he nearly steps forward again.

"Chuck," she breathes, and his eyes are redirected from the floor into hers. _God, he missed her eyes._ But all _she _sees is the empty shell of him that remains. The bruised, battered and tainted shell that remained, and she knows, without a doubt, that she's the cause of it. He's pale, he's skinny. _God, why is he so skinny? _

"Chuck, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

He can practically hear the tears forming in her apology alone. He wants to lie, and just reassure her that it wasn't her fault. But it was and always had been, her fault, and he had vowed, _no more lies. _He stares at the floor again, and nods, almost reluctantly.

"I waited," he speaks softly, clears his throat and says it more clearly as his lips begin to curl up in a tiny smile. "I waited for you."

_**Oh, will you save me now  
Or leave me crazy ever after.**_

_**

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**_It's three a.m. here, hahaha. Could use as many hugs as possible! :D_**  
**_


End file.
